Damon's Diary
by RatedRReanna
Summary: Take A Look Into Damon's Diary After Rose Has Died
1. Rose

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not be a human anymore? Have you ever wished you could get something back when you dont have it no more? I know both those feeling a lot. I know all about pain and suffering, I know all about good and evil, I know all about becoming something, I know all about heart break."

Damon sits on his bed, Staring at the mirror from a distance. A notebook on his lap and a pen in his hand, He wishes things could become different. He wishes most importantly he could get Rose back.

"I couldnt tell you why I am writing in something like this. It's not like I'm going to forget something like this. I feel like my stupid brother, Which is sad to me right now. If I could go back and do something that made sense, something that proved A point I would have. Nothing about Katherine, Vampires, The darkness. If I could have only died that night, Nothing would be happening right now. Rose wouldnt be dead, Klaus wouldnt be coming here, Elena wouldnt be in trouble, I would have never seen Katherine again in my life. That's something I wish would have happened"

"Damon?" Elena calls out from the other side of the door.

"Go away" He says low and deep.

"Damon, I'm coming in"

"Didn't you here me say go away? I dont want to talk to anyone. And I'm fine, Understand?"

"I know your hurt. There is no reason for you to hold it back, Will you at least talk to me?"

Damon gets off the bed and walks over to the door. He unlocks it and opens it slightly. He looks at Elena who leans up againest the wall with her eyebrows raised and stares his way. He loves to look at her the way he looked at Katherine, But he knows he'll never have her, He never had Katherine anyway.

"Get this straight. Vampires die, Rose died. It's a normal thing. You think that I'm upset about it? Think again girl, Im not hurt, I'm perfectly fine. Now go run off to Stefan and tell him about it"

She holds the door. " Excuse me? I'm only trying to help you. I care about you Damon, I do. And I dont want anything to happen"

"Yeah. Im sure you care a lot about me" He says pushing her hand off the door and slams it shut. He waits till her hears her footsteps and goes back to the bed to write.

"I'm really sick of people asking if I'm okay. But deep down inside I'm not. Ive been this way for the last 166 years and I'm afraid to change. Rose, Yeah she did mean something to me. Something I havent felt in a long time. I couldnt let her suffer anymore like that. It was to painful to watch. I had to come up with something to do, Someway I could ease the pain and not make it terrible. So there it was, A dream. I was holding back tears during that moment with her. I held her tight when the sun began to rise. Talking about human life, It made me miss it even more. I grabbed the stake as I sat and watched her sleeping on my chest. This wasnt a fantasy anymore, This was real life. So she said she wanted to race, And I told her she couldnt beat me. Once she started to count, I knew I had to before she reached 3. So once she said 2, I did it. I stabbed the stake into her chest. I didnt have another choice, I had to. My heart didnt want to, I cared. But I started to think I was caring to much."

"Damon, We have a problem" Stefan calls out.

"Let me guess, Did Elena send you to cheer me up. Im not in the mood"

"No, Actually I'm serious. It might have something to do with Rose actually"

Damon turns his attention towards the door and puts his pen down on the page. He pauses for a moment hearing the name Rose. Feels like it's calling him, Tearing at him. He walks over and opens the door to find Stefan standing there with his usual blank expression.

"Okay brother, What is it?"

"Are you alright? Have you not been draining any bodies?"

"C'mon Stefan, We both know we dont have all our lives now" Damon says rolling his eyes and holding the door cracked open.

"Do me a favor and dont start to do any dumb things"

"Okay father, I'll be have. Hey I have an idea, Why dont we just get me a guard dog

"Damon I'm serious. Just because of Rose..."

"Just because of Rose what? Just like I told Elena. Vampire die, It's nothing new to me or you. Im perfectly fine and my reckless behaviour wont be any worse, Not scurry along"

"Fine Damon. Fine fine fine. If you wanna keep this all deep down in a dark place, I'll let you have it your way this once. But everyone can see that your hurt about Rose, It's nothing new"

Damon watches Stefan stare at him straight into his eyes before he leaves. He slowly walks away and Damon keeps a close eye on him. Stefan lowers his head before looking back at him. He quickly closes the door.

"Can everyone really see that I'm hurt about Rose? Can they seriously tell? I'm not hurt, I'm perfectly fine, I already know I am. They really think I could be upset that another vampire has died? I killed Lexi, Well I basically killed Vicki, Oh I could continue to name tons of vampires I have killed in my many years of living. Jacob, Eliza,5 Hunters, Joseph, Michael, List will continue for all eternity. It's Rose. Just Rose. It's not like she had any meaning to me anyway, No meaning what so ever. But maybe there was A part of me that is hiding that type of feelings for her. Katherine took all those feelings away and I couldnt like Rose, Not a single inch in my body would. But for some reason it hurts. For some reason I feel like part of me has died in my broken heart." DS 


	2. Katherine Or Should I Say Elena?

"It really happened. What happened? Katherine happened. Katherine happened once again sorry. It's easy to forget anything about her...Actually I wish I could forget. She turned me into this, Turned me into the cold hearted person that I no longer know. I thought she was locked away for good in that tomb, Insted that little bitch tricked me and I ended up getting her out. She really has the nerve..."

"Damon!" Katherine calls walking right in his room.

"Katherine" He says with a acted surprise expression.

"Let's go live it up tonight. What do you say? Catch up on old times" She says becoming face to face.

"No" He whispers.

"You cant stand mad at me forever...Or is it Rose? Maybe she has brought feelings back".

"Very funny. Now if you will excuse me I was trying to do something"

Katherine backs away and just stares at him. Damon looks back at her raising his eyebrows.

"Shoo. Go away"

Katherine walks away slowly closes her door on the way out.

"God can I not stand her! She is driving me insane! I dont know how much longer I can take being around her. But I made a promise to protect Elena from Klaus. I promised. I cannot believe that Katherine would do that to me. She really has loved Stefan over me all the time. All these years I've wasted giving as much time as I could to find her, To set her free. All that time she was out, Not giving a damn about me. I might as well give up with anybody as this moment. I wont trust anyone, I wont give in to anyone. She already told me that if she would have followed that plan, Stefan or I would have had to die. An guess who the willing victim was...Me. Yeah, She told me right to my face about the dagger, About how she would have chose Stefan...  
News flash, Stefan doesnt want you, He has gorgeous Elena. I DID EVERYTHING FOR HER. EVERYTHING I COULD AND THIS IS HOW SHE TREATS ME?"

"Damon...It's me Elena" There's a knock on the door.

"Nice try Katherine. Go away"

"No, It's really me Elena"

She walks in and Damon runs up to her and pushes her againest the wall.

"Oh. It is you. Sorry" He says taking his hand off of her neck.

"Stefan wanted you to help him with the journals and Elijah. He doesnt want Kahterine to know"

Damon nods his head and just looks at her up and down. She cracks a short but sweet smile and Damon walks out. She stares around, Never being in his room before. Elena goes through a few books on the floor, Fixes the sheets and opens the blinds a little. When she grabs the sheets, A notebook falls on the ground. Damon's Diary. She opens it and reads the first entry about Rose. Turning a few pages more she reads Katherine. Shuffling through the rest there is nothing. Until the last page.

"I knew I had to put this last. I couldnt put it towards the beginning to my problems. Elena. The one who chose Stefan because he got to her first. So much like Katherine. Som uch alike. The looks are dead on and the personality is so different though. She's so sweet, She's so carigng unlike her. I wish I had someone like that around. Someone I could talk to, Someone to hold. I lost the only I had which was Rose. It's always Stefan getting the first in all these things, And I know I could never have her. What she told the night Rose died, Was...Was real to my heart. And I'd love to tell her thank you for it.  
That time Katherine appeared, She told me it was always Stefan, IT was never ever me. First person I went to was her, I knew she would understand or at least help me. Then crushed my heart by saying it will always be Stefan. I wish I could haveb a heart, Be something like him. But I cant. Or even that time I thought I kissed her even though it was Katherine. I thought I had a chance right there, I felt free. But everything turned upside down. Elena told me she was surprised that she thought I would kiss her back. I was hurt, I still hurt a little inside.  
Insted you know what I have to do? Insted I have to make myself suffer. I have to find my victims and open up to them. It's like I'm opening up to nobody. I have to make them listen, I have to use my compulsion. You dont understand what it is like. You couldnt understand the pain I go through. Telling them all about how much I'm missing my human life, How much I wanna go back. Then I have to kill them. It's in my blood to do something so evil...I can never get away from this"

"What are you doing?" Damon asks walking in his room.

"I was just looking around in your room" She drops the diary.

"You were reading that werent you?"

"I just looked in it, I didnt read it"

"Get out. Dont you ever come back it here" Damon says walking over to her.

"Damon, I didnt mean to..I"

"Get out!" He yells.

She picks the diary off the ground and puts it back on his bed.

"Your welcome" 


End file.
